two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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