I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
barbara walters just said penis...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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