Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
