We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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