If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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