he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
