Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize