I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
