3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
