You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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