Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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