yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
