Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
