these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
