Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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