i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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