did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
