You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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