I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
