i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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