We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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