I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
