Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
