We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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