I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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