When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
