Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
