i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
