Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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