Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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