I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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