Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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