Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize