put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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