Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
