He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize