Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
