I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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