i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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