I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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