yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
