I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
