good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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