My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
