Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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