either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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