You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
