I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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