You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
