we have pet lesbian snakes
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
