after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
