please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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