Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
