I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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