her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
