Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
