dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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