yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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