My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
