New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i believe in u and ur pee
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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