its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
