his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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