white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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